Starmourn Game News

Previous Article | Back to News Summary | Next Article
Public News Post #262

Celestine Ascendancy.

Written by: Starmourner Nykara Sa'rogue, Director of Sorrow
Date: Friday, December 27th, 2019
Addressed to:


Grek,

I assure you that, despite the normal sanitary habits of Ascendants such as yourself, the rest of the sector does not ascribe to such barbaric practices. Perhaps, if you lot didn't need to legislate every microsecond of a sun cycle, you'd understand the necessity of cleanliness and its benefits to your general well-being.

My husband scrubs daily. He keeps himself smelling fresh and clean, so that when his scent mingles with that of the blood and viscera of your defenders, their clogged bowels won't overpower that sweet spring aroma I do so adore when I lay my head next to his.

I do keep finding tree branches stuck to his shoulders, though. I propose new legislation: the daily "Get The Sticks OUT of Our Asses, and Mail Them Back To Song (for a profit)" initiative. I won't even request royalties.


Previous Article | Back to News Summary | Next Article
A black-gloved hand wields a dazzling rainbow-hued tesseract from the Starmourn sector, held aloft before a cyberpunk cityscape.

Celebrating the New Year with a January Promo Update!

It’s wild to believe that Starmourn is already turning SIX years old, but here we are! Let’s celebrate in style – Everyone who logs in this month will receive a free Rainbow Tesseract and a 6th Year Commemorative badge! TOUCH the badge for a sentimental look back at some of our friends from the new…
Read More
Human with a black half-face mask in a leather jacket stands before a brightly lit server console in an urban environment. They're holding an illuminated datapad and appear to be hacking the system.

Goodbye Winterflame, Hello New Year~

And with that, another Winterflame season has come to a close! Thank you all for celebrating another warm-hearted winter festival with us here in Starmourn. The SS Ironbeard has already returned home for a much deserved rest, and Factional elements will be slowly put back into storage over the next sync or so. For everyone…
Read More

Glowing In The Festive Snow – It’s Winterflamein Starmourn!

Late to post, but for those who don’t already know… It’s officially Winterflame in the Starmourn Sector! Don’t miss your chance to earn up to 8 FREE rainbow gifts to share with your friends, packed with winter holiday presents. In fact, you’ll get one just for talking to Rohna on Omni Station! The Winterflame Festival…
Read More